I have lost weight in the past.. one time I lost 80 pounds.. that was about 7 -8 years ago. and guess what I have gained all of that back in that time.. there have only been two other occasions where I have been this heavy.. once when I was pregenant with my boy (so 13 years ago) and the other before I lost that 80 pounds.. so why now when I am this heavy do I think is it ok to stay this heavy for the last several months???? why????
Inside I know it is not ok, I don't like my body, I don't like several things about being so big.. so why have not I changed?? I don't know.... I have gotten complacent in life.. busy with work and school.. well I need to get some time in there to exercise that was the main reason I wanted a Wii and I even have Wii Active... but this last month I have not even played the Wii.. That needs to change! A lot about what I do, how I do it, what I eat, when I eat, how I eat.... NEEDS TO CHANGE!!!
I did go home and worked out with Wii Active after that humiliating episode from yesterday.. so I felt some what better.. If I can do that when I get home.. just 10-15 minutes that all it takes... that will get me started...
Oh, yeah I came on to talk about being hungry at night.. I know that eating after a certain time is bad.. I try not too.. the last year or so I have gotten sloppy in that and have eaten.. So Tuesday I was HUNGRY, I eat a salad about 6 and by 9-10 I was starving! but I did not eat... =) I went to bed with my stomach growling at me.. I was drinking water.. oohh, I will have to try drinking some tea...
anyway, last night same thing.. ate 2/3 of a chicken breast and some broccoli and cauliflaur (spelling?) at about 6 and then nothing else!! I was even up late until like 11:30 and did not eat! I am proud of myself..
I remember from before that the hunger at night can go one for several nights to more than a week, I am prepared for the fight!! hahaha =)
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
the day I hit rock bottom
mentally the day sucked the big one...
physically the day sucked another big one....
financially it sucked the third one....
pmsing and very broke does not go well with a kid who wants things.. even though they are less then $5 and $10 bucks... that is now $15 less in the gas tank, and I don't get paid again until the 15th...
him being on my laptop when I am work is stressfull also.. for some reason he could not type in "ecosystem" properly!!! he tried three times, then had to get Suzanna, she tried twice and finally got it... hello E C O S Y S T E M !!! nine little letters! damn kid!! and then he asks if I can change it to something easier. Even has the nerve to say he that can look around and see about doing that....WHAT?!?! I tell him in no uncertain tone of voice and words, that if he does that he will NEVER be on my laptop again!!!
ok, now on the some of the physically shit that happened to me today
on the way from work I had to stop by the store, i was not in there more that 4 minutes and some ass in a big 4 door truck had to park too close. I could not get in my truck!!! It was either climb over from passenger side - which I am not flexible enough for that.. or wait for the ass to comeout of the store... I decided to try to squeeze in.. I almost got stuck! I have this soft tissue damage on the lower back, and man let me tell you that FRIGGIN HURT squeezing in!! and then my right leg was almost not able to make it in. I was almost literally STUCK!! I felt so humilated! I could not give up, so I forced past the pain and got in my truck.. for good meassure and it did help the tension some, I slammed my door into the asses truck a couple of times. I was sooo mad and hurt and humilated. I cried on the way home! partly from the pain and partly from the humilation!
I have reached the low point, I need to change!!
physically the day sucked another big one....
financially it sucked the third one....
pmsing and very broke does not go well with a kid who wants things.. even though they are less then $5 and $10 bucks... that is now $15 less in the gas tank, and I don't get paid again until the 15th...
him being on my laptop when I am work is stressfull also.. for some reason he could not type in "ecosystem" properly!!! he tried three times, then had to get Suzanna, she tried twice and finally got it... hello E C O S Y S T E M !!! nine little letters! damn kid!! and then he asks if I can change it to something easier. Even has the nerve to say he that can look around and see about doing that....WHAT?!?! I tell him in no uncertain tone of voice and words, that if he does that he will NEVER be on my laptop again!!!
ok, now on the some of the physically shit that happened to me today
on the way from work I had to stop by the store, i was not in there more that 4 minutes and some ass in a big 4 door truck had to park too close. I could not get in my truck!!! It was either climb over from passenger side - which I am not flexible enough for that.. or wait for the ass to comeout of the store... I decided to try to squeeze in.. I almost got stuck! I have this soft tissue damage on the lower back, and man let me tell you that FRIGGIN HURT squeezing in!! and then my right leg was almost not able to make it in. I was almost literally STUCK!! I felt so humilated! I could not give up, so I forced past the pain and got in my truck.. for good meassure and it did help the tension some, I slammed my door into the asses truck a couple of times. I was sooo mad and hurt and humilated. I cried on the way home! partly from the pain and partly from the humilation!
I have reached the low point, I need to change!!
Monday, August 2, 2010
It's August and my boy is HOME!!!
Yeah!!!
The last two weeks I have not gotten on and blogged... sorry!
But the last three days have seen me driving 1600 miles to get my boy!! I did it in 2 1/2 days!!!
Dang!!! But my body is screaming at me today, as well as my checking account!! YIKES!! It took about $500 give or take a few... That is about $400 that I did not have to spend.. so bill paying this month is going to rough..
But anyway the boy is home!!! YEAH!!!
The last two weeks I have not gotten on and blogged... sorry!
But the last three days have seen me driving 1600 miles to get my boy!! I did it in 2 1/2 days!!!
Dang!!! But my body is screaming at me today, as well as my checking account!! YIKES!! It took about $500 give or take a few... That is about $400 that I did not have to spend.. so bill paying this month is going to rough..
But anyway the boy is home!!! YEAH!!!
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