moving

After finding out last week that they want to move me and the office. I go home and find out that my dad wants to sell the house and move. My love is really stressed out about this, I am too but I have learned to put my stress aside/in a bubble/in a box/groud it.... do something with it, or it will tear your body up!! My love has not learned this. She is letting it get to her. I keep telling her there is NOTHING we can do TODAY!! Stop stressing! But she won't listen.... *sigh*

I am not sure when dad is going to want to go, but I asked if he could wait until after tax season. I am not sure if he is going to or not. We are going to try to talk as a family tonight, so there will be no more of passing messages and stuff. Passing messages does not help when one is stressed and not making sense!!!

So it looks like my life is going to get really complicated in the next 2-6 months!!!

All I can say is "Publishers Clearing House- WHERE'S MY MONEY?!?!?!"

LOL

Blessings to all!!

packing

Yesterday (Thursday) I boxed up six years worth out of the file cabinets. I finally got cmart after the 2nd year and got the wheeled table (copier table- put copier on floor) and that way I jsut wheeled the full boxes from one room to the other room.

On Wednesday I moved my small office fridge and micro out of the storage and into the bosses office. So that way I can move around in the storage and organize.

Donated the bosses desk to the Domestic/Violence Shelter. They were happy to have it! I also donated the big office plants to them, they are thinking of putting them in the shelter house. I feel good.

I have spend most of today stapling invoices and weight tags together to get caught up on my filing of the growers statements. I am going to take some stapling home and hopefully be able to get caught up on last fiscal year on Monday.

Then I have to take a few days off of the packing to get the invoices and bills out.

I talked with the accountant today and asked him where I was going to be over there, he made the joke about the basement, it being cold in the winter and hot in the summer... hahahaha.. i joked back that way I can have my music playing.. LOL nah, I will most likely be in the big office next the office manager.. the other office they have available is too small for all my equipement and their equipment.. I am not even sure how many computers and monitors I am going to have when I get there!!!! I have two of everything now: computers, monitors, keyboards, mices, printers....

anyway, gonna get a little more filing done and then go home for the weekend..

blessing to all!!!

hhmm

I think about blogging every day.. but never make it on here.. I have read in the past two weeks hints from other bloggers.. they sat to blog daily, and just write, post pictures.. or whatever.. don't stress about "writing" to people.. just write!! so here I am.. today I will try a list to help sort of some jumbled up thoughts....

1- 2011 is going to be interesting!! 2 jobs, 2 classes, plus family life.... not looking foward to it

2- between now and Jan 1, 2011. have to clean up and pack up my office..

3- not doing so good on weight loss

4- exticed but also nervous and upset about the job changes

5- new puppy issues at home.... aauugghh, kinda why I did not want to get a new puppy.. i love her.. but others in the house are having problems with her.. they need to get over it!! i just REALLY REALLLY hope she his REALLLY housebroken and calmed down by january!! long hours at office working 2 jobs, coming home to do class work for 2 classes...AAUUGGHHH!!!!

6- not to mention DS and his homework.. we have been going rounds this year so far!! he expects us to "help"him .. no what he wants (and I have put a stop to) is for us to do the work for him!!! ain't gonna happen bud!!!!

7- not sure how the paycheck is going to be affected yet!! or the workday! accountants office starts at 7.. not sure if the boss over there is going to want me to come in then.. if so than DS NEEDS TO wake up and catch the bus!!! going to be lots of changes come 2011............


I feel better, but yet not. When my boss first talked about moving the office over to the accountants, I was kinda excited. I would work 1/2 day for each company. Do-able in that aspect. But then the board of directors said no! so a few months have gone passed and now the boss says that I am going to be moved over at the end of the year. great! winter, holidays, and moving an office! yeah! just what I want to do!!! guess that means that I am not going anywhere for this x-mas/yule season!!

the storage room here has stuff from year one!! that is like twenty years ago!!!! so i need to go through and take stuff to a shredding place.. yeah! there is so much to do! and it would not be back but last fiscal year sucked with the big ranch and all there paperwork, that I am behind on filing! so i need to get on that.. so today is going to be spend boxing stuff up!! then i need to try to get the filing done for the past few years... not looking forward to it.. but it needs to get done, before i move...

ok, there is some of the thoughts going through my scrambled brain right now...

i could sure use more coffee!!! but don't dare!! more than two shots of espresso and I am inviting a migraine!! out of migraine pills until I can afford them.

hunger at night

I have lost weight in the past.. one time I lost 80 pounds.. that was about 7 -8 years ago. and guess what I have gained all of that back in that time.. there have only been two other occasions where I have been this heavy.. once when I was pregenant with my boy (so 13 years ago) and the other before I lost that 80 pounds.. so why now when I am this heavy do I think is it ok to stay this heavy for the last several months???? why????

Inside I know it is not ok, I don't like my body, I don't like several things about being so big.. so why have not I changed?? I don't know.... I have gotten complacent in life.. busy with work and school.. well I need to get some time in there to exercise that was the main reason I wanted a Wii and I even have Wii Active... but this last month I have not even played the Wii.. That needs to change! A lot about what I do, how I do it, what I eat, when I eat, how I eat.... NEEDS TO CHANGE!!!

I did go home and worked out with Wii Active after that humiliating episode from yesterday.. so I felt some what better.. If I can do that when I get home.. just 10-15 minutes that all it takes... that will get me started...

Oh, yeah I came on to talk about being hungry at night.. I know that eating after a certain time is bad.. I try not too.. the last year or so I have gotten sloppy in that and have eaten.. So Tuesday I was HUNGRY, I eat a salad about 6 and by 9-10 I was starving! but I did not eat... =) I went to bed with my stomach growling at me.. I was drinking water.. oohh, I will have to try drinking some tea...
anyway, last night same thing.. ate 2/3 of a chicken breast and some broccoli and cauliflaur (spelling?) at about 6 and then nothing else!! I was even up late until like 11:30 and did not eat! I am proud of myself..

I remember from before that the hunger at night can go one for several nights to more than a week, I am prepared for the fight!! hahaha =)

the day I hit rock bottom

mentally the day sucked the big one...
physically the day sucked another big one....
financially it sucked the third one....

pmsing and very broke does not go well with a kid who wants things.. even though they are less then $5 and $10 bucks... that is now $15 less in the gas tank, and I don't get paid again until the 15th...

him being on my laptop when I am work is stressfull also.. for some reason he could not type in "ecosystem" properly!!! he tried three times, then had to get Suzanna, she tried twice and finally got it... hello E C O S Y S T E M !!! nine little letters! damn kid!! and then he asks if I can change it to something easier. Even has the nerve to say he that can look around and see about doing that....WHAT?!?! I tell him in no uncertain tone of voice and words, that if he does that he will NEVER be on my laptop again!!!

ok, now on the some of the physically shit that happened to me today

on the way from work I had to stop by the store, i was not in there more that 4 minutes and some ass in a big 4 door truck had to park too close. I could not get in my truck!!! It was either climb over from passenger side - which I am not flexible enough for that.. or wait for the ass to comeout of the store... I decided to try to squeeze in.. I almost got stuck! I have this soft tissue damage on the lower back, and man let me tell you that FRIGGIN HURT squeezing in!! and then my right leg was almost not able to make it in. I was almost literally STUCK!! I felt so humilated! I could not give up, so I forced past the pain and got in my truck.. for good meassure and it did help the tension some, I slammed my door into the asses truck a couple of times. I was sooo mad and hurt and humilated. I cried on the way home! partly from the pain and partly from the humilation!

I have reached the low point, I need to change!!

It's August and my boy is HOME!!!

Yeah!!!

The last two weeks I have not gotten on and blogged... sorry!

But the last three days have seen me driving 1600 miles to get my boy!! I did it in 2 1/2 days!!!

Dang!!! But my body is screaming at me today, as well as my checking account!! YIKES!! It took about $500 give or take a few... That is about $400 that I did not have to spend.. so bill paying this month is going to rough..

But anyway the boy is home!!! YEAH!!!

Day 13... July 13th

Man do I have some catching up to do...

Day 9 - July 9th... very busy day! both at work and at home doing a college assingement.. did not stop until about 9p.m. by then I was so stressed and wounded up.. that I could not go to bed right away. Dad had gone to Elko Thursday evening, Suzanna was in bed as she had to wake up at 2 the next morning... so i decided to go and watch tv or a movie.. I watched Angels & Demons.. I have been wanting to watch that movie, just have not had the chance.. what a good movie!! now I want to read the book,,, I know it is usually the other way around book first then movie.. but anyway,, my boss has read the books and he says the book #3 is good!! The Lost Symbol.. or the Last Symbol.. I can't remember..

July 10,, Michelle's wedding day... I had a lazy morning.. I should have put gas in the truck before Suzanna got off work but I didn't - it was too hot to run around I wanted to go home and get some research going on my assingment for the next day.. so that is what I did.. Suzanna got home about 1pm, showered, and then we went got gas and her something to eat.. left town about 2:15.. we got to Elko just after 4pm, but Michelle would not start with out us.. so Steph was all bent out of shape! biatch!!! Reception was ok,,, too many people.. too many giggling young ladies.. too many times of Jim (the groom) saying that me & suzanna were his favorite lesbian aunts!!! ggrrrr!! i am more than that! I hate, HATE, it when people just see me as a lesbian!! I am more than that!! Suzanna is more than that!! if he would have been saying favorite aunts,, would have been different - but no he had to keep saying the lesbian thing!! anyway, that rant over! hahaha
Anyway, I wrote a blessing in their wedding card.. I will post it later tonight.. i had suzanna read it and she said I was a shit!! hahahah hehehehe.. there is nothing pagan or wiccan about what i wrote!!! it sounds like an Irish Blessing! hehehe I even put God in there, instead of Goddess & God.. I put God, just God....
Left Elko about 7.. got home.. suzanna had to go straight to bed as she had to get up at 2 again!! So what did I do??? I watched Angels & Demons again!!! and started a new cross stitch.. this is one that kenny picked up at a craft store a while back.. eventually I can work on my dragon again! oh after the movie I was ready to go to bed.. went to the restroom first, was in there reading Harry Potter #7 until 1:45... sheesh!!

July 11 - Sunday.. another lazy morning for me as I did not get to bed till 1:45.. suzanna got up at 2.. so i did not really sleep until 2:15-2:30.. then when I did get up, I had to read HP#7!! had to finish!! could not think of anything else! not my college assingment not eating nothing until it was done! this is only the second time of reading #7..
got a call from a good long time friend about 1-2 pm.. I have known her since 3rd grade.. ours dads have known each other longer... i met her because i went to the wedding where her mom got married to my dads friend.. well she called to say that her dad had died on Saturday.... what a shock!!!!!!! he was always such a good guy! dependable, knowledgeable, macguyver like mechanic....
as my dad was still in elko till that evening.. i called my sister and told her that way we could decided wether to tell dad now or wait until he got home... we decided to tell him then as i did not want anyone else to call later while he was driving or something.. so my sister told him...
the rest of the day was spent working to keep my mind off of the loss of a great person!!! RIP Ralph

July 12 - Day 12... Monday.. dad talked to Ralphs wife and found out more of what happened and found out that the funeral was Friday..
So I decided to call Kenny and tell him what happened.. I told my ex first, and then I told Kenny.. that is the first time that it was really hard to tell someone.. not even telling my sister was as hard as telling Kenny!!

July 13- Tuesday.. was doing ok, until my friend just came in to see about some food to settle her stomach with... she has to take her daughter in to see "papa" and she is nervous about what is going to happen.. her daughter is usually so outspoken and delightful.. but that is her Papa!!

Ok I am crying now and I really need to stop.. I am all caught up now and need to get some actual work done!! hahaha dang internet always intervenes...hehehehe